The truth is, however, that for most of these movies, the kill shots and the murdering swallows are almost all entirely contained within their two-minute trailers. There’s hardly anything more satisfying than the sight of a giant lizard-like cartoon creature, which looks like it was created using the processing power behind the Colecovision, swallow a tenth-rate actress who dared show too much cleavage. The rest of us: We watch them for the euphoric thrill of the swallow. Or you’re TK who gets some sick fucking pleasure out of these movies. Not unless you enjoy brain damage or have absolutely no appreciation for how little time on Earth we have. I sat down yesterday and attempted to review one of these awesomely crapulent monster face-off flicks (thanks unknowingly to Darthcorleone), and 20 minutes into the experience, I wiped off the blood leaking from my nose and came to this realization: Crapulent Monster Face Off movies aren’t meant to be watched in their entirety.
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